The Enemy Within

Today is the 23rd day of my isolation, Saudi Arabian style. I felt that I’ve already recovered. My full recovery however will be determined by the doctors and laboratory tests results. I was very thankful that my company decided to move me to Chest Hospital after spending 16 grueling and agonizing days in solitary confinement at the As Salama Hospital. The situation at the Chest Hospital is way better than in the Isolation Room in As Salama. They euphemistically called the Isolation Room as Negative Pressure Room but it’s just actually a room with an AC outlet and an exhaust fan. There’s really nothing special about it.

Being in an isolation chamber makes you think a lot about the things in your life that you’ve taken for granted. In my case, it’s my health and my relationship with God. When I look back, I tried to exercise by jogging everyday but it doesn’t count since I don’t eat healthy. My immune system wouldn’t have suffered if I chose a healthier diet. But there’s no crying over spilled milk so I’ve promised myself to eat healthy when I’m discharge.

There was a point in my life that I’ve been pious but that was before I decided to work abroad. I’m not embarrassed to admit that I’ve forgot to call Him. Though, being human would always be our excuse when we commit mistakes, I’d still invoke the same excuse. It’s because I can’t think of anything else. Being in isolation gives me ample of time to think things through though. I’ve think things through and now my mind is clearer. The forgiveness of our sins is through the mercy and compassion of God. I think that as long as you’ve asked for forgiveness and promised to change your life completely, he’ll welcome you back in his fold.

However, despite my being a level headed person, from time to time, I still encounter ‘The enemy within’ or what we simply called ‘Self Pity’. I know, I’ve heard enough from my friends that it’s counterproductive but there are times that I just can’t completely brush it off. There are moments that I would shed a tear or two when I think of my situation. This week, I’ve had two negatives and I was very hopeful that the last test would be negative as well. I was very disappointed when the result came out and it was positive. I cried like a baby but only for a moment. I regained my composure right away. I’m only here for three weeks and I still have another series of test to look forward to next week. That thought consoled me. I’ve also accepted that it’s God’s will. I’ll be discharge in God’s time and for that I’ll wait patiently.