Near Death, Life Changing Experience

On the first week of my hospitalization I suffered two internal bleedings. Though the doctors never discussed it with me, I know that the problem were my lungs. The nurses gave me two injections to stop the bleeding and I was also given a CT Chest. It never recurred but I was forbidden from sleeping sideways.

The first thing that came to my mind when I was bleeding was that day’s going to be my last. I didn’t take my internal bleeding lightly because it is very harmful to internal organs. At first I was hesitant to let my family know about my situation but that bleeding changed everything. Thinking that was dying, I right away called them to let them know the situation that I was in. I skipped out some of the details of my illness just to protect them. You don’t have to tell them everything you know.

I don’t want to sensationalize my illness. Sensitive as it is it may be misunderstood by many. I prefer to keep my mouth shut rather than being misunderstood. People could be mean and others have been mean already so there’s really no point in discussing it. The most important thing is that I’m being treated and in time, I’ll be discharged.

I’ve been through hell literally and I’ve been through near death experience. Of course, it could only be in my mind but I really thought at that time that I was going to die. The first thing that comes into my mind was that I don’t want to die here and I want to be with my family. My mind became empty and I was unable to think of anything, not even my most priced earthly positions. I didn’t even think of my job and my company. When you’re in the brink of death, you’ll only think of the most important things in life and for me, they’re my family, friends and hope.

I can still remember what Nurse Sushil told me. She said that all of us are going to die. My illness takes a lot of time to be cured but it’s curable. She told me to think of Kuya at the ICU who was burned because the gas tank leaked. He wasn’t given an opportunity to bid farewell to his family. Think of the victims of hit and run and accidents. I shouldn’t lose faith and I should pray and reconcile with my creator. Nurse Sushil made a big difference in my stay at the As Salama Hospital. I used to be biased towards our kabayans when it comes to nurses’ qualification and training but Nurse Sushil made an impact. I’ll forever be grateful to her because if it weren’t for her, I would have given in to self pity.

My illness made me think through a lot of things. I’ve thought of the things that I’ve done in the past and my plans for the future. I’ve also decided to make peace with myself and with my God. One of the things that I’ve realized is that I’m just human. And human beings are created to take ownership and spread power of hope.