I love your smile 

A newbie in the Kingdom of the Sands told me yesterday while we’re chatting that his impression of me was that I looked like a Chinese businessman whose ready to do business, has an imposing presence and with an unsmiling face.  It was a funny but realistic observation.  I‘m Chinese and I don’t really smile, at least in the workplace.  But that’s just the image that I sell to people. 

There are a lot of reasons why I seldom smile in the workplace.  Being in the Kingdom of the Sands for a decade really changed me in a lot.  I would like to believe that the changes were all in positive ways.  I used to smile a lot since I was exposed early in customer service industry.  I never realized that in Arab Culture, you just don’t smile at people, particularly on people whom you don’t know.  Smiling at people whom you don’t know could mean you like (fancy) them.  It could be a cause of being misinterpreted.   I tell you, it could lead to a lot of unpleasant things like harassment. 

In the West, or at least in the Philippines, it’s rude to talk to people in you can’t maintain an eye contact.  In contrast, in the Kingdom of the Sands, or at least in the Middle East, you just don’t look at the people in the eyes.  It’s another cause of being misinterpreted that can lead to a lot of unpleasant things.  As a compromise, you can look at his forehead just so you won’t appear rude.

The Arabs knows how long a Pinoy’s been in the Kingdom just by looking at him.  What set the newbies apart are their smiling faces.  Old timers here like me seldom smiles.

I have nothing against people who smiles a lot.  It means that they’re positive people with positive dispositions.  I also smile and had a lot of fun when I’m with friends.  I can crack jokes at any time so I also think that I’m funny.  It’s just that I don’t wear a smile in the workplace.  By not smiling I’ve gained credibility and authority.  People took me more seriously especially that I’m in the field of Human Resources.  You can still be sympathetic, empathic, friendly and caring without smiling.  But you just don’t smile at the workplace.

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Last Saturday and Sunday, I was bombarded by several frank calls.  I don’t call anybody except selected close friends so I assumed that somebody must’ve distributed my telephone number.  The last person who I think I offended was.. Actually I take it back…I don’t think I offended him when I just told him that his behavior was not normal.  You know who he is, the paranoid person who should’ve been in Taif a long time ago. 

For two nights, I decided not to be bothered by the calls.  However, I’ve realized that I’m just a human being after all.  I did not allow myself to be upset and I told myself that I’ll let A. do the honors.  Doing the honors was of course an understatement because it means retaliation with the capital R.  A’s an artist.  He’s multitalented and very skilled.  I don’t even know how I will survive in all of the HR Projects that I handled without his artistic input.  So, A. thought of something and even I could not even imagine.

Yesterday, A. made several Ad i.e. For Sale, For Rent and other stuff.  Of course, he placed all the mobile numbers of those bothersome people in it.  After office hours, we went to Pakistani School area and posted all the Ads that he made.  I was hesitant at first but was relieved when I saw a lot of Ads in there.  A. was ecstatic.  I told him that it’s the adrenalin rush.  I guess that exercise we made yesterday was successful because I never received any calls yesterday evening.  The success of the activity we did yesterday afternoon motivated A. more so we’ve prepared the materials for today’s Ad distribution.

Am I mean?  I don’t think so.  I asked A. if we’re mean and he says ‘Oh Hell No!” with a snap.  You may say that we’re out of our mind but I won’t be bothered.  What I did was a plain retaliation to a paranoid person who spread my number.  If those people who bothered me will continue to receive calls from people everywhere, they’ll for sure curse the person who referred my number to them.  It’s hitting two birds in one stone.  Will I do the same thing again?  Well, can’t say I won’t.  I’ll still have an excuse, “I’m just a human being”.

Paranoia

I think I understand why Mark acts that way towards A.  I mean, if you’re old, bald, talentless, etc. you’d also do the same.  The problem with Mark is that he talks without thinking.  It’s a shame because you don’t do that if you’re fortyish something.  It just shows that you haven’t matured and haven’t learned from the lessons that life has taught you.

Mark would start the day ranting about A.  He’ll say the meanest thing he could say towards A.  I think saying bad things to other people is his form of affirmation.  Yeah, Oprah did say that we all need affirmation but I don’t remember her saying that you have to look down on others so you could feel better.  In the end, Mark admitted that he was jealous of A. and that explains everything.

While listening to Mark’s constraint ranting against A., he mentioned that “I will never talk to A. again even if he apologizes to me.  I also don’t know what I will do if I will meet him in Al Khobar.”  I told Mark that I think his reasoning was misplaced since A. never issued any press statements.  Although I would feed A. with the things that Mark has been saying he just kept silent.  Mark is doing what others like him often do, issuing false, fabricated and baseless statements and letting their enemies confirm it.  What the hell is that?

I was never a jealous person.  I was not born that way.  That probably is the reason why I can’t understand Mark’s behavior.  He’s not just behaving badly but behaving inappropriately.  I also don’t think that jealousy entitles you to belittle other people.  I think that if you at some point in your life have helped others, you shouldn’t use it as a weapon to insult them.  A sane and moral person would never insult people who owe you debt of gratitude (Utang na Loob).  And a sane and moral person wouldn’t even think that somebody they helped has a debt of gratitude in them.

So, I think what he’s going through right now is not a midlife crisis as A would pointed out.  He’s suffering from jealousy because of insecurity that led to PARANOIA!  I don’t know why he’s still in Al Khobar.  He’s better off in Taif or in Mandaluyong.