Dying Young

Last Hajj holidays I had a nightmare.  It wasn’t that scary so maybe that was just a dream.  A bad dream that is.  In my dream, I had a lung cancer, a terminal cancer.  In the dream, I went to Al Mana, Al Dossary and Saad just to be told that I only had 3 months to live.  I wasn’t crying or was depressed in my dream.  I then called my boss in Lebanon and told him that I have to exit the Kingdom right away.  He was asking me why and I told him that I had a terminal cancer and I want to go home since I don’t want to be in the freezer.  You see, when people die in Saudi Arabia, they will put him in the freezer until autopsy and other required papers are submitted. It also takes a while before the body could be transported to the home country.

Anyways, my boss said in my dreams to wait until his return but I told him that I could not wait for another 30 days since time is of essence. 

I remember giving away all my earthly belongings to my friends and filed an exit.  I then went back to the Philippines.  LOL.  My memory of that dream was vivid.  I did not go back home but instead went to a hospice in Quezon City.  I don’t know how the hell I was able to remember a hospice but I think I just want to spend my last days on earth there.  The reason why went to hospice was I don’t want to burden my family.  My instruction to the hospice was to call my sister when the time comes and cremate me right away.

I’ve always thought that I’ll die of lung illness.  I just don’t know what kind of lung disease though but I’m really certain about that.  I also think that I will die young.  Morbid thoughts again LOL.  If there’s something I hate about being a Filipino is our culture of burying our dead.  I mean, I just don’t like that dead people’s wakes are used to justify gambling such as mahjong. I also don’t like it when a person is displayed for the whole world to see for 7 days.  Why can’t we be like Muslims who buried their dead within one day?  No ceremonies but they’ll just wash the body with oils and wrap it in white cloth.  It’s very simple yet it’s more meaningful.  No dramas or whatever.

Hajj Holidays

I know. I know that I don’t have any more excuses not to update my blog.  My last posting was on 10 September 2012.  This is going to be my only posting for the month of October 2012.  Our Hajj Holidays started on 25 October 2012 and ended on 30 October 2012.  We had six days of uninterrupted vacation.  A lot of my colleagues were complaining why our company did not give the 31 October as holiday.  We have no choice but to report or else, we’ll lose 3 salary days.  Yes, it’s a company policy that we have to report on Wednesday in order to earn the weekend (2 days).

I was not really excited with the very long weekend because I don’t have prior plans in the first place.  I practically did nothing during the 6 days off.  I watched TV, watched movies in youtube and downloaded movies from the torrent.  Downloading movies is my favorite pastime nowadays.  It’s addictive yet fulfilling.  I seriously need to buy new external storage.  3TB might be a good idea but I still have to check my budget.  I did try to read a few chapters of my SHRM modules but can’t really concentrate so I just dropped the books and watched movies at the youtube instead.

This year’s Hajj Holidays was uneventful.  I remember about two years ago when I was admitted at the As Salama Hospital on the eve of the Hajj Holidays.  I thought that I’ll only be there for 7 days as the doctor said but it lasted for 2 months.  I can’t remember the pain now but the scars of the IVs are still visible.  I think that I am just a lucky person.  I mean, I was admitted, got out, picked the broken pieces and moved on.  I was even promoted right after that horrible nightmare.  I don’t know why but maybe because I didn’t yearn for more.  Now that I’m growing older I’m becoming more like my father.  I look like him and now I’m beginning to be like him.

We’ll my father lived a modest life.  If he was too ambitious he could’ve been a rich man.  But he did not yearn for more and was thankful to what God has given him.  He did not suffer poverty but neither was he rich.  He’s lived his days satisfied.  I think I’m beginning to be like him in some ways.  After what I went through two hajjes ago, I am just thankful to God.   I’ll be thankful if he gave me more blessings but I don’t dare to ask.  Living in itself is already a blessings and yearning for more is just too much.

I just remembered that my sister Bam bought Mass Card for my dad.  That’s the only way for us to honor his soul since we won’t be able to be with him on the All Souls Day on 2 November.